You know, sometimes I really wish there was a manual on parenting, especially now that I am outnumbered. It would be so nice to have step-by-step instructions to follow for every situation encountered with two kids. But there are just too many possibilities. So, for now, we just have to take one thing at a time and figure it out.
This has been my main struggle the past few months (actually five months). I have felt like everything I tried to accomplish was a struggle. Nothing was coming easily, not even a shower. When Luke deployed Thanksgiving weekend, I had no desire to even attempt to leave the house. When I finally did, it took us a solid 45 minutes to finally pull out of the driveway. I couldn't figure out who to put in the car first and who to leave by themselves. I also felt like I was constantly saying, "Just a minute, Bronson. Please be patient." I realized that Bronson was either used to getting his demands met immediately or he was seeking extra attention because of my scattered brain and having to spend so much time in contact with James. For this problem, I realized that I really needed to make some one-on-one time with him, which is harder than it sounds.
It's true that there are daily struggles, but I am happy to say that I can get us out of the house in about 15 minutes. :) I don't feel as flustered when grocery shopping with both boys, and I seem to be getting into a rhythm with them. I have found ways to entertain Bronson while nursing James. The floors are now generally clean (thanks to my husband who got me a robot to do it for me), although the sink is never empty of dirty dishes. I have to admit that it's not easy, but God has been showing me areas I need to change, and He has also made it very evident that I cannot be a wife, mother of two, friend, and nursing student well without His help. I have had moments of desperation when I didn't think I could continue this way and cried for His guidance and provision, and have had immediate relief. He is a compassionate and nurturing God.
These have been some encouraging verses for me during this time.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be
weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by
day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an
eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on
what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but
what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I have to say that seeing Bronson dote on James makes me so happy. He loves his little brother, even though he sometimes gets too rough. And James loves to watch his big brother. I cannot wait for them to be able to play together.